What does it mean to live at the moment versus those quiet moments when I lay in bed unwilling to move, crippled by anxiety and circumstance?
If you can relate, let’s think about it for a second. In those moments when your expectant and waiting on a call for days, praying & wishing on your next big break or in those moments you’re waiting on love to call, text or just show up. It’s like waiting seizes your breath, and you’re unable to breathe, and you find yourself staring in to an abyss.
I tell myself in those quiet moments of waiting, to be patient… I tell myself “you will get through this day/get through this heartbreak”… you need to survive this moment. I tell myself this despite how long and grim that days looks and this is very much different from “living in the moment” because being anxious and focused on survival doesn’t feel very alive. Living in the moment is a luxury and a privilege for those with a clear mind, passion, & purpose.
Escapism has always been my coping mechanism, and we can expand on that on a different day. This is something I used to combat my anxiety. Staying booked and busy gives me the focus, passion, and purpose to let go of my anxiety and to allow things to take its natural course. My anxiety shows up in many ways but often times it shows me trying to force/rush things to happen and this is in everything from the way I live life, work, business and in relationships. People have called me “intense” and a “micro-manager”, and although this is true I believe a healthy balance is needed between intense & micro-managing; as well as being patient and accommodating.
Recognizing this is helping me keep my intensity in check, so I’m not too forceful. This might explain why I have a month long of shenanigans planned out leading up to my 30th birthday this month.
Anxiety has no place in my life this month because I have a calendar packed with all the things I love to do like going dancing with friends, fine dining, working out, going to the beach, going hiking, & creating art in all types of forms. There is no time to shrivel up in bed other than when a brother needs to sleep, take a nap or just rest up (working out so much is like putting my body through the grinder).
The only set back is my fear of burning myself out and reveling so much in my escape that I miss out on productivity…
This is the journey, finding the balance is key.
Granted this weekend has been dedicated to debauchery and living my best life, a Key example of a not so balance party animalistic lifestyle is me going out last night, dancing with friends, meeting my celebrity crush KeKe Palmer who was as warm and friendly as I’d hoped she’d be. God bless her.
I had a freaking blast last night and flirted with beautiful people. The aftermath was me waking up at a friend’s house this morning. Luckily I didnt have a hangover from all that bubbly but I did wake up sore all over because my gym fatigue had finally caught up with me. I also woke up past 10am and couldn’t make it to the gym.
That was me living in the moment, but at the cost of my productivity… I say it beats shriveling up in bed with anxiety lol.
A little numerology lesson about 30:
“The numerology number 30 represents highly creative and social energies. 30 resonates with optimism. It can be thought of as a limitless 3 — the creative digit 3 followed by the unlimited digit 0. The numerology essence of the number 30 resonates with and supports creative expression and encourages it in others.”
– Affinity Numerology
Prince Ajibola X ($PrinceJibbz)
My identity is the product of my recognized intersectionalities, which adds to my emotional and psychological empathy when it comes to basic human understanding. It cuts through cultural, political, religious, and racial prejudice. CASHAPP $PrinceJibbz
Primary Tags: 30 Days of 30, journaling, Self Improvements
Other Tags: 30 Day Challenge, 30 Days of writing, life coaching, Inspiration, Motivation, anxieties, growth, improvements, learning, unlearning